Ramblings and Longings

For the last few years, I've felt a longing. A deep, unrelenting pull, a desire to live a more self-reliant lifestyle. I've pushed it down, covered it up, and denied its existence. I have to wonder if this is the feeling the squirrel feels as it stores its food for the winter or what the bear experiences as it prepares for a long winter's nap. I think humans have long stifled our natural inclinations to listen to nature and what it tells us to do. Heck, we even alter the time to meet our needs. We have homes that are always the same temperature, our vehicles take us most anywhere we want to go, and the same foods are available year-round in the grocery store. Nothing wrong with this, really, but we are determined that nature is under our control. We want to take what we want from the Earth, alter it to meet our wants, pollute it with the plastic-y and non-biodegradable crap we create, and expect it to behave just like we want it to. 

 

I find it frustrating when I hear politicians talk about how we aren't creating as many consumer goods and that is why our economy is stagnant. Or how it is such a shame that, because of money, that yet another mall could not be built. It seems so contrary to those who beat their chests about climate change and how we are destroying the planet by drilling for oil. But they are reporting this, with their belittling attitudes, from Times Square, which is full of man-made, totally unnecessary, certainly un-recyclable, energy hogging crap. How can you decry the destruction of our planet and then suggest consumers need to buy more? 

 

I know we need a healthy economy, we need jobs, we need stuff, and goodness knows how much plastic goes into keeping my daughter alive. But isn't there a point where it is just too much? When we need to stop buying so much and use what we already have? When the Earth will refuse to give us anymore if we just continue to abuse it? When we lose control of what we have created in the name of progress and find that it now controls us?

For me, I need to find a place where I can do more for myself and for my family. Where if I want pickles, I go to the pantry to choose from those I grew and canned. And if I want eggs, I go outside to the coop. Don't get me wrong, I still want to put that little plastic feeding tube in the belly of my precious daughter, and I want to flip a switch to turn on a light. But I want a balance. To feel that the piece of ground I stand upon is better for my presence and not worse. To know that if someone hungry crossed my path, that I could feed him. To wrap my little girl in a quilt that I made from recycled fabrics and to know that I can keep her warm if the lights go out. I want to look out my window and see the beauty of nature and know that I have nurtured the Earth in the same way that it has always provided for me.